Big Time Walmart List
by R.A.I.731
Summary: Big Time Rush finds the list of 101 best things to do at Walmart, and decide to do them. Finally we know why they can't go to Walmart anymore!
1. Chapter 1:List

**BIG TIME RUSH**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, but we all wish we did. **

"hey guys, check out this list I found online," James said, walking into the room with his laptop.

101 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them  
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals  
throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvin ball; see how many people you can get  
to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the  
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,  
especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I  
think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what  
happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off  
and turn the volumes to "10″.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen  
you in so long!…" etc. See if they play along to avoid  
embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask  
yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk,  
anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're  
taking it for a "test drive."

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about  
five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the  
department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store  
as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look  
mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll  
only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from  
the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around  
saying,"…I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"  
upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,  
"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired  
employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any  
Shnerples here?"

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale  
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from  
"Mission: Impossible."

35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while  
squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I  
need some tampons!!"

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to  
your Twinkies?"

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet  
food aisle, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the  
restrooms

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at  
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,  
assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those  
voices again!"

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and  
relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain  
that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little  
umbrella in it.

52. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your  
head and walk around the store casually.

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the  
mannequins.

54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run  
between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror  
while you pick your nose.

57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes.  
(Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly  
ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act  
as spastic as possible.

59. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and  
women's signs on the doors of the rest room.

61. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with  
various funnels.

62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse  
through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare  
them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you  
and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is  
breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you  
do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was  
another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME  
darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto  
the ground screaming and having convulsions.

64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people  
out.

65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and  
begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."

66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of  
shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the  
boxes and throw it in various aisles.

67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every  
perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another  
girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way.  
"hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy  
shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way.  
"hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."

70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of  
super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean  
in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front  
of your nose and saying "Oh god, your over powering the  
perfume!!"

71. Hit on the elderly.

72. Hit on 5 year olds.

73. In the food aisle, pretend like there's a little bug, slowly  
move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left  
as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the  
ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like  
crazy. Then finally yell out "Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was  
the biggest Cockroach I've ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!!  
Hey look, there's another one!!!" Then Repeat.

74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.

75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat.  
Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.

76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a  
prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to  
people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.

77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your  
friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those  
electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they  
don't know you.

78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for  
toddlers. Fit the character; if you're on a hoarse, then pretend  
that you're a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over  
wanting to use it, start barking at them until  
they run away crying.

79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind  
customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your  
friend.

80. Excessively use anything thing that says "Try Me".

81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.

82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say  
"Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter  
Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of  
French fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say  
"Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you  
say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from  
Caldor's, but not Wal-Mart. People who are gay are just like  
everyone else your know. You disgust me" Then walk away  
mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl-  
like as you can

83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people  
asking where the rash cream is because your family and all  
your friends seem to have a rash too.

84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your  
"multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern  
person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old  
girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should  
sound like this: "Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly  
good time.(English)" "Look, all I wanna do, is wok ta  
Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)" Etc.

85. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms  
and legs around like your having some kind of massive  
seizure.

86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the  
store.

87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to  
leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your  
walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to  
go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then  
quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away  
as fast as your can.

88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger,  
your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while  
singing the circus song.

89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department

90. Put lingerie in the men's department.

91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men's carts when they turn  
around.

93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while,  
start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just  
stay mesmerized.

(you'll have to that one grover none of us could)

94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say "Help me. The voices in  
my head are telling me to do naughty things." Then clap your  
hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming  
"NO!!! I DON'T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO  
NO NO NO!!!!" Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the  
eyes, and calmly say "I…will start…a fire…" The pull out a  
Zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don't  
light the Zippo, just hold it closed.

95. Light a match under a sprinkler.

96. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I  
warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get  
my shot gun". Then walk away.

97. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my  
god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him.  
Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then  
walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.

98. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that you're a  
mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as  
possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your  
watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get  
paid enough to do this"

99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.

100. Act like you're about to cry and ask people "Have you seen  
my mommy?"

101. Steal a Wal-Mart shirt. The possibilities are endless.

BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.

"So," Kendall started, turning to the guys, "are we gonna do this?" the rest of the boys looked at each other.

"YEAH!!!!!" they all yelled, jumping of the couch, grabbing their jackets.

**---haha! I love this list! Could you may be like, give me some ideas of how the boyz should do the things on the list? Thanks.---ImSoNinja**


	2. Chapter 2:Carts

**BIG TIME WALMART LIST**

**Disclaimer: I sadly don't own Wal-Mart or Big Time Rush. If I did, I probably wouldn't be writing fan fictions. Well, I guess it's good I don't own Wal-Mart and Big Time Rush then! Ha-ha just kidding!**

**Chapter Summary: the boys take on the first thing on the list, filling shopping carts with pointless items and placing them at strategic places. **

"Ok guys, the first thing on the list are filling up carts and place them in places all over the store. Let's do it! We'll meet up at the boys clothing department. Go!" Kendall said as he grabbed four carts, handing them out to his friends and keeping one for himself. James pushed his away towards the cosmetics department, while Kendall seemed to be going to the cereal aisle. Carlos and Logan stood there, not knowing where they should go. Logan didn't want to be doing this; if they got band from Wal-Mart, he didn't know what he would do! Go shopping at Target? Unheard of. Logan sighed, turning to Carlos.

"You don't suppose they sell math books here, do you?" he asked, peering quizzically at Carlos. The Latino had a look on his face that said, "Why the HELL would I know?"

"Yeah, you're right. I'll get, like, stuffed animals or something." Logan said, quickly walking away in the opposite direction of where toys would be. Carlos looked around, clueless. Then he got an idea. He headed to the frozen foods section.

Kendall was getting high on the dust all the cereal emitted. His grey cart was filling up quickly with Panda Puffs, Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Pops, Fruit Loops, Frosted Flakes, Trix, and any kind of cereal you could imagine was in that cart or on its way to the cart. A girl walked by, around Kendall's age, with black hair, brown eyes and a Munroe lip piercing, and peered into the cart.

"Nice taste in cereal…I'm guessing you like pandas?" she said, smirking, and pulling out a box of Panda Puffs. Kendall opened his mouth, not knowing what to say. She was a very attractive, very sexy girl and Kendall felt stupid for being caught with a kid's cereal. He blushed slightly. By the time Kendall gathered his wits, she was turning the corner into a different aisle. Kendall noticed she also had a cart full of miscellaneous objects too. Interesting…

While this was happening, James was sniffing away at Axe hair gels, colognes, and body washes. He was supposed to be just throwing the stuff in the cart, but he got distracted by the scent of the new flavor, Orion. It smelt SO good! If this didn't get him more girls, he didn't know what will. And it wouldn't give him the effects of the hives like the Barracuda Man Spray did. And that motto was starting to get annoying. Better wear your cuda? Seriously? Just as James was taking a heavy whiff of a hair gel, a girl was caught in his peripheral vision. OH MY GOD. The girl had dirty blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. But she didn't seem stuck up like most blondes James had dated. She was peering up at him, her head bowed down to a women's shampoo, and it seemed she was sniffing it…and the look on her face showed she was liking it. James had a chill run threw his body. Geez. She slowly walked forward, slightly dragging her heels. Before James could introduce himself, she said,

"I don't think that Axe is gonna make you smell any better." She said, raising an eyebrow at the mass amounts of hair care product that were piled high in the cart.

"This isn't for me! This is for my friend Kendall! And Carlos! And not to mention Logan! But I'm James, and you are…?" the pretty boy trailed of, waiting for an answer.

"Rachel. And what, you only have one name?" something dawned on her face. "Kendall…James…Carlos…Logan… Big Time Rush!" Rachel freaked out, seeming to have an almost heart attack. James smiled.

"Seriously? You're a Big Time Rush fan?" James was starting to get excited; this was the first fan he had met.

"Of course! Who isn't!?!? Could you sign my bandana?" she said, pulling out a purple bandana.

"Sure," James said, remembering the episode where he dressed up as BandanaMan. Good times….

Logan was aimlessly wandering Wal-Mart, randomly picking up objects. He spotted a display of stuffed animal llamas, and immediately headed towards it. Llamas were his favorite animal. His cart was filled almost to the brim when he walked away. As he was walking, he didn't notice that he had picked up about 30 packages of condoms, and it covered the entire top layer of the cart. People were glancing at him like he was a disgusting man whore, which he probably looked like. Logan just sighed.

Carlos, Carlos, Carlos, Carlos. Three words; dinosaur shaped chicken. All of it was in his cart, and none of it was in the freezer shelves. He was grinning, dimples showing nonstop. Carlos was about to push his cart out of the aisle, when a girl dressed in all black stepped in front of him. He looked her up and down. One word; hot. With a lip piercing, black hair and brown eyes, she didn't seem like the type of girl Carlos would be attracted to, but boy was he ever!

"Hi! My name is Carlos, what's yours?" Carlos said energetically. She smiled.

"Kimi." She said simply, walking past Carlos.

"Kimi…" Carlos said dreamily.

The boys met up just like they planned. They all looked in each others carts. James burst out laughing when he saw Logan's.

"What do you plan to use those for, Logie?" he questioned, barely holding in some left over laughs.

"What? My stuffed llamas?" Logan asked looking in his own cart. "Shit." He said, groaning. The rest off them burst out laughing, while Logan started blushing.

"Ok, everyone split up again and put your carts in random places. Like, nowhere near where you got your stuff." Kendall said, heading towards the little girls clothing. James went towards the electronics, and Carlos went to the sports gear section. Logan placed his in the middle of an aisle full of clocks. Tick tock.

"So," Carlos asked, "what's next on the list?" Kendall pulled the list out of his back pocket.

"Ride the electric cars at the front of the store. This is gonna be fun." Kendall said, smiling at his friends. Logan groaned again, James laughed, and Carlos clapped his hands in excitement. Because this was gonna be fun.

**----ok that was fun, and I'm tired! Thanks to all the reviewers! You rule! Also Rachel and Kimi and a future girl named Sarah are all real people. Just to let you know ****------ImSoNinja**


	3. Chapter 3:Cars

**BIG TIME WALMART LIST**

**Chapter summary: the boys take on the task of the second item on the list; Riding**** those little electronic cars at the front of the store.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush. **

**A/N: fabulous thanks to all my reviewers! You guys rule and I would have no self confidence without you! Ha-ha, just remember you guys are like the backbone of this story! All smiles and love and peace...or else…****. I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner, I just got really distracted and now I'm sick, so yeah!**

"Oh…my…god…ELECTRIC CARS!" Carlos screamed, totally forgetting the thing he was about to do was next on the list. Kendall looked at said list, and shrugged. James peered at him curiously.

"It's on the list!" Kendall said, explaining, and a little defensively for Carlos. James shook his head, past the point of caring about what was going through their minds. Kendall and James ran after Carlos, and Logan sighed. He didn't want to be doing this, at all. But too late. He started dragging his feet after the rest of Big Time Rush. Carlos was already seated on one of the cars, but staring across the entrance to the other side. There three girls were giggling and standing around more of the electric cars. One of them had dark hair and matching dark clothes. The other two were blonde; one shorter and one taller. James recognized the taller one as Rachel. He walked over and greeted them.

"Hey," he said as casually as possible. She laughed.

"Hi" was all the girl said.

"Ha-ha, guys, hey is for horses." The dark haired girl, Kimi, said.

"Well…hi is for sopranos! Beat that!" James challenged. Carlos and Kendall were watching Kimi, and then glanced at each other. They bolted, falling over each other, trying to get to her. Just as Kendall was about to get to her, Carlos tripped him. Kendall twisted around Carlos's foot, bringing him down with him. Carlos ended up hitting Kendall hard in the chest with his own, and was laying eye level against Kendall.

"Um…hey?" Carlos greeted/questioned.

"…GET OFF OF ME!" Kendall bellowed, making everyone look at him like he was crazy. When they were all stood up right, Kendall embarrassed just grabbed James and dragged him back towards Logan and the electric cars.

"Ok, everyone split up and we will meet at the electronics department in fifteen minutes for an epic race that will blow the Wal-Mart associates minds!" Kendall put his hands in for their team cheer; a hand pile and then throwing your arms up into the air. But instead everybody just got in their separate cars and headed off.

"Seriously guys? Yeah love the group hand shake thing, too. Now don't get too excited for it!" Kendall whispered sarcastically to himself and rode off, quietly singing "The City Is Ours."

~~~~~~~~~**time lapse**~~~~~~~~~

"Let's do this thing!" Carlos exclaimed excitedly, tapping his helmet twice. Kendall nodded and started telling them the rules he made up in his head.

"We will be in teams of two; James and Logan, me and Carlos. Carlos and James will race first and I and Logan will be at the starting and ending points to judge who wins." The all nodded and went to the starting positions.

"Ready…set…GO!" Kendall yelled, and James and Carlos took off on their little electric carts. It was nose to nose the entire way, neck and neck, wheel and wheel. But Logan was the one who decided who won and unfortunately…

He was distracted by two guys making out, one of their back slammed against a display of bread. James and Carlos went wizzing by him, but his gaze was still focused on the two boys.

"So! Who won???" Carlos asked, too excited for his own good. Logan slowly snapped out of it.

"I don't know, how should I know?" He questioned back. Both the racers let out a devastated 'NO!'.

"Well, I'm dubbing myself winner then!" James stated, putting his fists on his hips. Carlos gasped.

"Yeah right! I was obviously way ahead of you!" The pretty boy scoffed in turn.

"In your dreams, Garcia!" James exclaimed.

"No! In your dreams, Diamond!" Carlos yelled back. Kendall stepped between them.

"Ok! You guys are dreaming about each other, can we move on now?" James and Carlos blushed and opened their mouths to protest, but instead kept quiet and nodded.

"So what's item three on the list?" Logan asked, finally coming fully out of his daze.

"**3. Set off alarm clocks so they go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. **Let's do it!"


	4. Chapter 4:Alarm Clocks

**Big time Wal-Mart list**

**CHAPTER 4**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, or Wal-Mart.**

**A/N: don't get mad at me for this being so short; it's pretty much just a little essential bridge from item 2 to 4**

**Item 3. Set off alarm clocks so they go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. **

"Ok, split up! Logan, you set the alarm clocks! James and Carlos, you grab them and place them around the store! Go!" Kendall announced.

"Wait, what are you going to do?" Carlos asked, turning back.

"I'M going to go talk to that girl. You know the one with dark hair and the most beautiful eyes? With the lip piercing? I think her name was Kimi? What a perfect name; so unique!"

"You do not get to talk to her without me!" the Latino screamed, getting as far as he could into Kendall's face. The Blonde pushed him away by poking one finger at his chest. It sorta hurt; could it be from Carlos's muscles? Tan muscles unfortunately hiding under that shirt? Kendall quickly pushed these thoughts out of his head.

"Who says?"

"ME!"

"Guys, guys, guys! Kendall will just come with me and set the alarm clocks!" Logan stated, pulling Kendall's arm. Even as Logan was dragging Kendall away, Carlos and Kendall's eyes were locked on each others, glaring daggers at one another.

The two; Logan and Kendall, were frantically hitting buttons on the alarm clocks as James and Carlos kept running back for more to set up at random points in the store.

Ten minutes later, you could find the boys laughing their heads off on the ground and about 100 alarm clocks going off all over the store.


	5. Chapter 5: Air Fresheners and Gift Wrap

**So guys. I'm sorry I haven't updated in. forever. But as soon as school started I was out of time to do anything. I'm gonna write #5 now because in number 4, I don't know what Calvin ball is, so yeah. Slash or no?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or Wal-Mart. **

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the  
spray air fresheners.

Kendall furrowed his eyebrows, looking up from the paper.

"This may make James happy, but it'll just make Logan roll his eyes like he does with everything," Carlos smirked, looking over Kendall's shoulder.

"What?" James asked excitedly, Logan asking it in a groaning tone. Kendall explained it to them, telling Carlos to start walking to the auto department.

*20 minutes later*

"Its smells so freakin' bad in here!" three of the boys coughed, James still spraying the air fresheners. He had even gone to the extent of hanging pine fresheners on himself.

"This stuff works way better than Axe!"

"But Axe smells so much better!" the blonde girl from before defended, suddenly at James' side. Kendall rushed up to her.

"Hey is your friend still here?" He asked with hope in his eyes.

"No, she went to go on a date with her boyfriend!" (;))

James laughed, seeing Carlos and Kendall's faces fall.

The brunette turned to her, smiling.

"What were you guys even doing here?" Rachel pulled a piece of paper out from her back pocket, unfolding it.

"101 Best things to do at Wal-Mart, but its technically 100 because they skipped number 51," she pointed out. The look on James' face suddenly got brighter.

"You wanna finish the list with us? Since ya know your friend left and all," He blushed.

Rachel nodded a knowing smirk on her face.

"Surrreeeeee,"

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

Kendall and Carlos stood, red and blue gift wrapped tubes pressed together, a determined look on their faces.

"You know, she would've picked me anyway, I am so more of her type," Kendall smirked, Carlos pulling away and smacking him in the head with his tube. (That sounds mildly sexual)

Carlos's eyes scanned the crowd, picking out someone nearby that looked like they would be willing to have a gift wrap duel. He called the man over, handing him the tube, telling him to fight Kendall. And he did. Meanwhile James and Rachel were goofing off, James half tickling her and half playfully hitting her with his green gift wrap tube.

"Stop, stop! You can stop now James!" she giggled, holding up her hands up in surrender.

"Fine," he smiled, putting the gift wrap back. Carlos was arguing with a costumer, trying to get him to battle Logan, who was at the same time arguing with Carlos about not fighting this random bystander.

Kendall came up behind Carlos, smacking him in the head with his gift wrap, followed by hitting Logan.

"That's my cousin, bitches!"


End file.
